Saturday, May 31, 2014

Day 50: Make People Notice You Today!

Suggestions:  Keep one eye shut all day, don't shave, have money sticking out of your pockets, talk crap non-stop, spread money around wear a high hat, dress in colorful clothes, whistle out of tune, read the newspaper upside down, walk sideways crab-like, glue a spatula to your arm

Notes: Wore this maiden cap at Ash's cookout. Once it broke, I resorted to crab style walking.

Day 49: Make a Citizen's Arrest!

When a crime is committed and no police officer is in the vicinity, you have the right and responsibility to make a Citizen's Arrest. Such crimes include: murder, manslaughter, armed assault, conspiracy to defraud, littering.

Thursday, May 29, 2014

Day 48: First Impressions

Instructions: First impressions are crucial in life. Today hand this to a stranger and find out what impression you made.

Notes: I asked a seemingly friendly and extroverted girl probably in her early thirties to fill this out for me as I circled the 4 other garage sales in the cul-de-sac. Her neighborhood was having a development sale. I thought this would take some pressure off :) 

Here's what I looked like and I was pushing a stroller with Liv in it at a community garage sale :) 

Day 47: Tonight Count Sheep and Cure Insomnia

How far do you get before falling asleep? Tick each of these as you go along and find out.

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

Day 46: Birthday Day!

Instructions: Don't forget your special buddies' special day! Write their birthdays down here so you'll remember them.

For those of you who can't be bothered, here is a list of convincing excuses:

I couldn't remember where you lived
I knocked my head on the pavement and suffered 24-hour amnesia
To be honest, I never liked you much anyway
Surely our friendship transcends material possessions like gifts
We have this telepathic bond, and that's how I sent the card
I can barely recall your name, let alone your birthday
You didn't remind me
I gave you a present last year
Wht'r u tlkng bout? I snt u a txt msge, d'nt u gt it?
Well, you forgot our friendship anniversary
I was gonna call but my bunny rabbit passed away
I spent time with my mother
I only follow the Chinese calendar
I didn't forget! You must have an evil double

Notes: Facebook already does this for me so need need to reinvent the wheel. Those of you who aren't on FB sorry for forgetting.

Monday, May 26, 2014

Day 45 - Romance Day: Come up with a compliment that has never been made before.

Top female compliment cliches: You are the woman of my dreams. Your eyes are like two stars. It must have hurt, when you fell from heaven. You're not like any girl I've ever met.

Top male complement cliches: Do you work out? Nice driving! Boy, you sure can handle your drink. Look at those hands - are you a lumberjcack?

Mine: I like the shape of your earlobes.

Sunday, May 25, 2014

Day 44: Defy Superstition

Suggestions: Open your umbrella inside walk under a ladder, whistle inside the house, break a mirror, cross paths with a black cat, let milk boil over, step on a crack in the sidewalk, put keys on the table.

Feeling brave as I whistled in the house, stepped on a crack, and put keys on the table.

Day 43: This Evening Write a Proper Diary Account of Your Day

Instructions: If Winston Churchill found time to write in his diary when he was busy fighting World War II, so can you. Here's a typical entry:
06/06/44. Woke up 8-ish, slept fairly well though had a strange dream featuring an elephant and a mongoose, perhaps attributable to that third bottle of claret. I really could not find the energy to rouse myself but Clemmie insisted that I should go and fight the war. Bless her. Arrived at War Office at midday to find Monty in a mess over D-day. As far as I can tell everything seems to be going to plan. Am not really that interested since they forbade me to join in. Anyhow, other than that, not much of a day. Scrambled eggs for dinner. Bed now.

05/25/14. Woke up 6ish, had my pumpkin coffee and prepared for another day of manning the garage sale. Disturbed thinking about the documentary on ocras in captivity #blackfish that I watched late last night. Slow, sluggish day, but felt good to bask in the sun. Checked pool consistently to see if algae levels will permit us to swim tomm. Anxious about the outcome. I can't stop eating crap. Bags at Bruce's and then to bed. Good to be reunited with my babies. 

Friday, May 23, 2014

Day 42: Today Walk Barefoot On Grass

Instructions: Grass was well-known amongst Indian shamans for its soothing anti-ulcerative properties. When a papoose was sickly, the shaman would lay him down on a grass bank and sprinkle him wiht dew from the bark of a Great Conifer Tree, for 5 days and 5 nights (at least). Today grass is widely available of course in parks, gardens and the like. The current theory is that the leaves contain herbacinium, a derivative of morphine, which rubs off on the fibrous nerves of our bare feet, gets into the bloodstream and slows down our heart rate by up to 14%, thus relaxing us. Indeed, poets have long known this, as is conclusively demonstrated by the following:

A child said, What is the grass? fetching it to me with full
How could I answer the child?. . . .I do not know what it
is any more than he.

I guess it must be the flag of my disposition, out of hopeful
green stuff woven.

Or I guess it is the handkerchief of the Lord,
A scented gift and remembrancer designedly dropped,
Bearing the owner's name someway in the corners, that we
may see and remark, and say Whose?

Or I guess the grass is itself a child. . . .the produced babe
of the vegetation.

Or I guess it is a uniform hieroglyphic,
And it means, Sprouting alike in broad zones and narrow
Growing among black folks as among white,
Kanuck, Tuckahoe, Congressman, Cuff, I give them the
same, I receive them the same.

And now it seems to me the beautiful uncut hair of graves.

Walt Whitman

Thursday, May 22, 2014

Day 41: Apply for a knighthood

Instructions: Don't remain plain old Mr. or Mrs. J Schmoe all your life. To become a Knight or a Dame, simply write to the British Prime Minister c/o  the Prime Minister's Office, 10 Downing St, London SW1A 2AA, United Kingdom. Explain what exceptional achievement or service you feel merits the award of a knighthood. Previous successful applicants have used the following, just to give you an idea: been head nurse for 60 years, Nobel Peace Prize winner, raised millions for obscure charity, served in minor government position for whole life, won WWII, saved cat from extra-tall tree. Even better get the President to recommend you.

The honors ceremony takes place on the Queen's Birthday. So make sure you keep it free! US citizens please note: Non-subjects may not style themselves Sir or Dame, though they may place the appropriate letters after their name.

Notes: How can one person win a war? And did someone really get knighted for saving a cat - I had to research this. And by research I mean I googled it and only looked on the first page of results :) I did not find any evidence of said cat saver :) I was kind of dreading devoting time to this task, but am pleased with my resulting letter (copy text below image).  I thought going the hand-written route would be a nice change of pace (plus I'm out of printer ink).

Letter text:

Mr. Cameron,

I am writing to ask your consideration for damehood. I am not particularly special. Not exceptionally intelligent. I’m just a quirky girl following the suggestions of a silly book (This Book Will Change Your Life by publisher Benrik) to see if it helps me, as Thoreau said, “to live deep and suck out all the marrow of life.” If you refuse my request – no matter – I, like Dorian Corey, am learning to content myself with less these days.  Corey’s wise words from the documentary Paris is Burning come to mind. He said, “I always had hopes of being a big star. But as you get older, you aim a little lower. Everybody wants to make an impression, some mark upon the world. Then you think, you've made a mark on the world if you just get through it, and a few people remember your name. Then you've left a mark. You don't have to bend the whole world. I think it's better to just enjoy it. Pay your dues, and just enjoy it. If you shoot an arrow and it goes real high, hooray for you.” If you do grant my request, you will in some way, I suppose, be honoring all the ordinary people just hoping to make it through the day hurting as few as possible and squirreling away as many happy moments as we/they can.

Kristina Ambrosia-Conn
7439 Saint John Court
Mentor, OH 44060

P.S. My mother-in-law is a Brit if that helps my cause!

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Day 40: Today play a practical joke

I'm totally open to suggestions people :)

ok so i am totally doing number 4, 8, and 12 - maybe this will entice Joe to read my blog once in awhile - I am particularly excited for number 4 :)

Notes: So this turned out to be a complete disaster. Joe didn't even mention any of them!!!!  I felt too unmotivated to commplete the toilet paper one due to the lack of attention the other jokes received.

When I asked Joe to look at his teeth his response was "I wiped off whatever you had on my tooth brush."

1) Who studies their toothbrush that intently to notice a darker shade of blue on bristles and
2) If you do notice something on bristles and think someone in your family put it there - who doesn't ask about that?


Day 39: Learn to speak Swedish

New languages open up possibilities for new meetings. Today learn some useful phrases in Swedish. You never know when they may come in handy.

I did read over the list in the book, but I'm having enough trouble mastering Spanish.

Monday, May 19, 2014

Day 38 - Spend some time in a church today

Even the irreligious amongst us can appreciate the sanctuary that churches provide, away from the hyperkinetic madness of modern life.

Breathe in the air of centuries. Let the shadows envelope you. Light a candle for a long-lost friend. Contemplate the silence. Perhaps even find God.

What to say to God if you find him - God is fed up with being quizzed about the same old chestnuts like evil and creation all the time.

Make him notice you with a cheeky question, like what's his favorite breakfast cereal, or did Adam and Eve have belly buttons.

Notes: I did manage to get in a quick "Our Father" at Trinity Presb. Church in Beachwood. I would have sat a minute longer had the cleaning guy not asked if I was trying to find my way to the parking lot. It was 10 p.m. and the chapel was all dark. Do churches close? 

Day 37: Today, eat and run

Runner Etiquette
1) Wait until the coffee course, particularly if there is a set menu.
2) Do not leave your date behind, unless you are sure it is the last time you wish to see them.
3) Do not start actually <running> until you are outside the restaurant.
4) Do not select the heaviest items on the menu. Running on a bouillabaisse is medically inadvisable.
5) Beginner and the shy: Do a practice <runner> before ordering any food.

Refuse to do.  Although if leaving quickly after eating at my sister's house counts then count this as task as accomplished.

Day 36: Say nothing today

Is this a joke?! Ummmm....yeah right. In-laws visiting and while they probably would have welcomed a break from my incessant talking it wasn't going to happen :)

Day 35: Today give little tasks to people around you

Examples: Hug me, hold my hand to cross the street, read me a bedtime story, don't let me forget my umbrella again

Notes: I do this all the time especially since I am really good at the mandatos tense en Espanol :)

Thursday, May 15, 2014

Day 34 - Today write to a dictator to stop torture

I wrote to Prime Minister Recep Tasyyip Erdogan to stop harrassment of Turkish Doctors.

See site:

He's not quite a dictator but being accused of it. I'm not sure legal action qualifies as torture but it is at least something.

I also wrote to our rep. Dave Joyce to stop violence against women.

See site:

See the following for more information on stopping torture globally:

Wednesday, May 14, 2014

Day 33: Be on the lookout for the paranormal

Instructions: There is more to the world than meets the eye. Today try to be especially receptive to paranormal manifestations and determine for yourself whether there is indeed a world beyond the veil. Here is a list of clues to look out for in ascending order of conclusiveness.

Odd feeling, strange wind-like whisper, flutey sounds in the distance, scratching noises, unexplained smells, unexplained footsteps, fleeting shadows, feelings of being watched, dogs barking, cats barking = don't jump to conclusions; there is probably a perfectly innocent explanation.

Voices, voices of people dead for months, voices of people dead for years, doors opening, cupboard doors opening, keys disappearing, keys reappearing, lights turning on and off, mist appearing out of nowhere, being touched by an invisible hand = curiouser and curiouser, contact your local paranormal investigator and probe further

Being slapped by invisible hand, furniture moving, dinner plates flying across the room, spouse speaking in tongues, apparition (ghost, zombie, hungry zombie), blood sluicing down walls, head of daughter spinning, being strangled by own intestines = you've probed too far; get the hell out if it's not too late

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Day 32 - Tonight control your dreams

Instructions: Freud postulated that our dreams are essentially the recombined elements of things that had affected us during the day. Today think very hard about these three things and see if they crop in your dreams tonight:

- hedgehog
- aeroplane
- midget

Result: A small person did show up in my dream from last night. It was a really disturbing dream about a mass murder. 

Day 31 - Nauru

Instructions: Nauru is a tiny island all alone in the middle of the Pacific. Today let them know they're not completely forgotten by sending the President a friendly postcard at Office of the President, c/o Ministry of Works, Yaren Nauru.

I sent a virtual pinterest quote to avoid figuring out the postage and had to settle for sending to the Executive Security.

I did learn in my research though that the waters are so deep there that boat anchors won't touch the bottom. Interesting stuff :)

Monday, May 12, 2014

Day 30 - Ignore today

This was hard being that it was Mother's Day and we had a family cook out. However, I did manage to ignore any problems in my life for a day so I count that as a success.

Day 29: Dial a phone number at random and read this script with a Deep South accent

It was a biblical passage. I didn't do.

Friday, May 9, 2014

Day 28: Choose your final meal on death row and make it

The poplar choices listed in the book are as follows:

Leonard Rojas Offense: Double Murder. Executed: 12/04/2002
One whole fired chicken (extra crispy), salad with Thousand Island dressing, French toast, two Diet Cokes, one apple pie, and French Fries

Lawrence Buxton Offense: Murder. Executed 02/26/1991
Steak (filet mignon), pineapple upside-down cake, tea, punch and coffee

Ron Shamburger Offense: Murder. Executed 09/18/2002
Nachos with chili and cheese, one bowl of sliced jalapenos, one bowl of picante sauce, two large onions (sliced and grilled), tacos (with fresh tomatoes, lettuce, and cheese), and toasted corn tortilla shells. 

It was a toss up between a cheeseburger and french fries (don't know how to use the grill or make french fries), filet mignon (I really need to learn to grill), and.....

Shrimp Fettuccine Alfredo
And a dream meal wouldn't be complete for me without crunchy bread (and yes crunchy is a culinary technical I didn't make the bread though :)

Side Note: Death Row Cannibal Denied Last Meal: Archie Williams, 36, was denied his last meal before his execution in July 2002. Reports from the prison state that Williams had requested that he be served his cellmate, John Perison, who was also on death row awaiting his execution had agrred to himself be fed to his friend after his death. 'They had made some sort of death pact with each other a few weeks before they were set to be executed' stated Kevin Marsh, Warden of the San Angelo Maximum Security Prison. 'The state is not in the habit of granting such odd and disgusting requests.'

Thursday, May 8, 2014

Day 27 - Yes/No

Instructions: Today you are not allowed to use the words 'yes' or 'no'. See just how long you last.

Wednesday, May 7, 2014

Day 26 - Choose what you'd prefer to be reincarnated as

Instructions: Circle your first choice and send of with a $5 donation to the Dalai Lama, Lhassa, Tibet.

Notes: Not sure if the authors didn't do their research, but info. I'm finding talks about exile from Tibet and it seems the current place to send donations has changed. In any case, here is where I sent mine:

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

Day 25 - Things You Will Never Do Before You Die

Due to some life crises we had to take a short hiatus from our daily tasks that will change our lives - but we are now back on track and picking up where we left of with Day 25.

Instructions: Tick the boxes to come to terms with the fact that you will never....
Some of the items I checked included become a fitness instructor and greet the extraterrestrial delegation. 

Side notes: I would, however,  like to add "crush grapes in my bare feet" to my bucket list of things TO DO and I didn't know what a lot of the words in this list meant such as cuneiform and truculent - but I do now :)